


More Than Anything

by fandomsandxfiles



Series: Files From the FBI's Most Unwanted [5]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s08e16 Three Words, F/M, Fox Mulder goes to therapy, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26421919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomsandxfiles/pseuds/fandomsandxfiles
Summary: Mulder is itching to get back to work after his recovery, but there are a few things standing in his way first.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Series: Files From the FBI's Most Unwanted [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020487
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49
Collections: X-Files Episode Fanfic Exchange (2020)





	More Than Anything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DancesWithCybermen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancesWithCybermen/gifts).



> i really enjoyed writing this! it's not something i would have ever thought about to write myself, but i love the idea overall. I hope it lives up to your expectations :)

Agent Doggett stared at Assistant Director Kersh as he sat down behind his desk and handed Assistant Director Skinner a file folder. "An application was submitted to me this morning by Agent Scully on behalf of our old friend, Fox Mulder, for reinstatement. I assume you both know about this," he said, handing him a file matching the one Skinner was holding. 

"Reinstatement?" Skinner asked as he started to look through it. 

"To the X-Files," Kersh said, as if it were obvious. 

"I thought Mulder just went home," Doggett said, looking over at Skinner.

"Well, somebody's very anxious for him to get back to work," Kersh said. "I wanted you both to see this before I deny the application."

"What is it?" Skinner asked. 

"It's a review of the success rate of your X-Files since Agent Doggett joined the team. Damn impressive, John." 

"Impressive, Sir?" Doggett asked with his eyebrows raised. "The only thing impressive about my work on the X-Files is that I even know what's going on half the time."

But Kersh was adamant. "From this report, you and Agent Scully have had more arrests on percentage than she and Mulder over seven years. Take a look."

"Well, that's not very fair to Agent Mulder," Skinner said. "So many of his cases involve-"

"Aliens?" Kersh asked, cutting him off. Skinner shot him a glare, but didn't say anything. "There lies the problem. The FBI isn't a place for personal crusades. I'm asking you both to make that understood, on my behalf."

"Well, you can't ask me to tell Mulder he's off the X-Files. It's his unit. He created it," Doggett said. 

"I'm not asking you, John." 

"Trust me, you're making the wrong decision here," Skinner said. "You want to keep Mulder under control? Then you have to keep him close." 

"If he has access to those files, there's no telling what kind of damage he could wreak!" 

"It doesn't matter whether or not he's officially on the X-Files or not!" Skinner burst out, raising his voice. "Mulder will do whatever it takes to get what he wants, and right now, he wants reinstatement, and he wants back on the X-Files. If we turn around and tell him he's out of the FBI, or confined to a desk somewhere, he'll find a way to get the information he wants and he'll work those cases whether you like it or not." 

"Well what do you suppose I do about it?" Kersh asked. "Kick him out of the FBI?" 

"That won't stop Mulder, and you know it," Skinner answered. "The man just came back to life, he's got nothing left to lose. Don't reinstate him just yet, send him to an FBI psychologist, let them make the decision whether or not to allow him back. If he's cleared, he can go back to working on the X-Files _after_ Agent Scully goes out on maternity leave. Agent Doggett will remain on the unit, and hopefully between the two of them they can keep the arrest rates up."

Kersh was silent, mulling over the idea. "And if the psychologist doesn't clear him?" 

"Then you don't have anything to worry about." 

"Fine," was the answer. "But if anything goes wrong, it's on your head, Assistant Director." 

***

Skinner wasn't looking forward to telling Mulder why his reinstatement application was denied, and what happened during his meeting with Kersh. He took the news exactly as Skinner expected, with shock and incredulity. "They want me to see a therapist?" 

"If you want to be reinstated and allowed anywhere near the X-Files Mulder, this is what you have to do. You're lucky I convinced Kersh to allow this," Skinner said. At least Scully was also there, maybe she could help him understand. 

"What did Kersh want?" Mulder asked. "To make me a secretary?" 

"I think Kersh wants you to quit Mulder," Scully said, lowering herself onto the couch to sit next to him. "He probably agreed to this because he thinks you'll be too proud to go to therapy. Or that you won't trust the FBI therapist." 

"He's right, I don't trust the FBI therapist," Mulder said. "Because ten to one they'll just delay my reinstatement, and Scully will leave to have her baby. Then Kersh can close the X-Files because there's no one running them." 

"They're not closing the X-Files. Kersh aims to keep them open, with Agent Doggett running them," Skinner said. 

"Agent who?" Mulder was dumbfounded. He looked over at Scully, but she wouldn't meet his eyes. 

"I've had a partner for the last several months," Scully said quietly. "He was assigned to help me find you." 

"Well mission accomplished," Mulder said. "Is he going to stay on after I get reinstated?" 

"After Agent Scully goes out on maternity leave, your reinstatement will be revisited. If you're cleared, then you will allowed to work on the X-Files again, but Agent Doggett will remain on the unit with you," Skinner said. 

"Does he know what he's doing at all, this guy?" 

"About the paranormal? Not much," Skinner admitted. 

"That's why Kersh wants to keep him on," Mulder said, shaking his head. "I ran the X-Files by myself before all this, I don't need someone to babysit me!" 

"Mulder," Scully said softly. "It doesn't matter what you did before everything happened, but you are a different person now. You literally came back from the dead, and there's no way you can deny the fact that you've changed a lot since you opened the X-Files."

"So what am I supposed to do? Lay down and follow orders?" 

"Go to therapy," Skinner said. "Get reinstated and work on the X-Files after Agent Scully leaves. That's what you wanted isn't it?" 

"I wanted everything to go back to the way it was before-" 

"Before what? Before you died, Mulder? Because as much as I'd like that, it's not going to happen if you continue to argue against us," Scully said. "You don't know what it was like for us, for me, to have to defend every one of my actions after you went missing because the FBI wasn't all that bothered with finding you after the first few weeks. What it was like after we found you, _dead_ , what it was like for me to stand there at your headstone and know that you were gone. You don't know what that did to me Mulder." 

"Scully-" he started to say. 

"You have the ability to get back to work on the unit you devoted your life to Mulder," she continued. "So what if it takes a little bit more work to actually get there?" 

***

So Mulder accepted Skinner's proposition and was assigned an FBI therapist. He didn't want to go at all, but he sucked it up. His therapist, Dr. Kate Raymond, was nice but he still didn't trust her. She called him Fox, which was jarring enough to begin with. Mulder sat there in silence for most of his first session, staring out the window. 

Dr. Raymond finally broke the silence, a few minutes before his scheduled hour was up. "Fox, if you don't mind my asking, why are you here if you're going to stare out the window for the entirety of our session?" 

"I need to do this so I can get reinstated," he said. "I'm sorry that I'm not jumping for joy over it." 

"I understand your apprehension Fox," Dr. Raymond said. "This is a new environment to you, not just my office but a lot outside it as well. Your life has drastically changed, and that's why I'm here, to help you make sense of what has happened to you and decide what you want to do in the future." 

"I thought you were just here to spy on me," Mulder deadpanned. "Make me think I might get reinstated only for Kersh to rip it away from me at the last second." 

"Fox, I don't report to Assistant Director Kersh," was the answer he got. "I will submit paperwork to him when it comes time to re-evaluate the possibility of your reinstatement, but what you discuss with me will remain between us. I am still bound by patient confidentiality." 

"Then you can just tell him that I'm fit for duty." 

"You know I can't do that Fox," she said. "If you are going to return to the FBI, it will be because you are truly ready." 

"What says I'm not ready now?" 

"Firstly? The fact that you suggested I sign off on your reinstatement without truly speaking to you first. I know only what's in your file, and that's very little compared to what you truly experienced." 

"I don't even know what I 'truly experienced' if I'm being honest with myself," Mulder said sincerely. 

"That's completely understandable Fox," Dr. Raymond said. "This isn't just going to take one visit." 

***

Mulder still didn't trust Dr. Raymond completely, but he kept going to his scheduled therapy sessions. He slowly became more talkative, but he was still holding back on his experiences, both before his supposed "death" and after, and especially his relationship with Scully. It took several weeks for him to mention Scully during the sessions, and even then he was very reserved in the way he spoke about her. 

"You always refer to Dana by her last name, can you tell my why that is?" his therapist asked one day. 

"I've always called her Scully," Mulder said. "I don't see how it matters." 

"Even now? After you've been through so much together?" 

"I don't want her to think I'm treating her any differently." 

"Why, because she's pregnant?" Dr. Raymond was not pulling any punches. 

"No," Mulder said. "Because our lives have changed now." 

"And Dana's pregnancy is one of those changes Fox," Dr. Raymond said. "Why are you so adamant on avoiding it?" 

"I'm not avoiding it." 

"Are you afraid that you will lose Dana because of this child?" 

"No." 

That was the end of that conversation, but Dr. Raymond did not give up on the subject of Scully. She continued to ask about their partnership, listened attentively while Mulder recounted the stories of their adventures, and kept finding ways to try and talk to him about Scully now, which Mulder expertly dodged. Mulder preferred to talk about his time on the X-Files, before he and Scully went back to Bellefleur, before he was dead and then he wasn't. After more time, he finally opens up about Scully, from his heart. He is afraid for her, that the FBI will use and manipulate her in order to cause him pain, and that she will leave his life altogether after the baby is born. 

"Fox," Dr. Raymond said gently. "Do you think the reason that you are feeling this way is because you are in love with Dana?" Mulder went silent at that. He didn't speak again. "You don't have to answer that question right away," Dr. Raymond said, filling the quiet. "I just want you to think about it." 

And he does. Mulder leaves the room silent and somber that day. 

***

He doesn't return to Dr. Raymond's office until he had an answer to her question. When he finally did return, he didn't say anything about Scully at first. Dr. Raymond didn't push him either. She sometimes asked about Scully or hinted at the question Mulder was holding the answer to, but she allowed him to change the subject without saying anything. Mulder slowly became more comfortable talking about what he could remember from the time that he was missing. He told stories of pain and fear, and he spoke about how he thought about Scully when he was gone, and how he wished he could see her again. 

It was difficult for Mulder to talk about, because he just wanted to forget that this had ever happened, and return to the life he led before. But as Dr. Raymond pointed out, that was likely impossible. So he recounted the things he would rather forget, so that he would have them weighing down on him. He realized that as much as he despised going at first, Dr. Raymond had done what she did to help him. He continued to come to his sessions and cooperate from there, and found he actually enjoyed it. There was still a small part of his mind that was afraid that he would not get reinstated because of what he was telling her though, and he said that. 

"Fox, like I said before, I don't answer to Deputy Director Kersh and I cannot share any of what you say to me with him or anyone at the FBI. And by opening up to me, you are showing that you have the emotional stability to eventually be reinstated. I have no worries about you Fox, you're going to be just fine." 

Mulder didn't know how long it was going to be before Dr. Raymond asked him about Scully again. He wondered if he would have to admit out loud what he only came to terms with a little while ago, despite having worked for Scully for eight years. At the end of one session, she finally asked him what he'd been dreading to hear. "Fox, I need to know if you have an answer to the question I asked you a little while ago. Are you worried that Dana will leave your life because you are in love with her?" 

Surprisingly, Mulder wasted no time in answering. "Yes," he breathed. "I am in love with Scully, and I have been for longer than I care to admit." 

It was obvious that was not the answer that his therapist was expecting, but she was able to recover quickly. "It's completely natural that you feel nervous then," she said. "Especially if Dana doesn't know how you feel." 

"Are you going to make me tell her?" 

Dr. Raymond laughed. "Fox, I can't _make_ you do anything. I can however, express the fact that it would be beneficial for you to tell Dana how you feel, and that you don't want to lose her, or you that you feel you already have lost her." 

"I thought I come here for you to decide whether or not I'm fit for duty," Mulder said. "This doesn't seem like it would be all that important when it comes to my reinstatement." 

"I disagree," Dr. Raymond says. "I think this would be incredibly important and useful for me to determine whether or not you should be reinstated." 

Mulder doesn't argue anymore with her, and he starts to think about how he should tell Scully that he's in love with her. 

***

The first time Mulder plans to tell Scully he chickens out. They're sitting on the couch in his apartment watching an old movie on TV, and Mulder has it all planned out in his head. The first part of his plan goes exactly the way he wants it to. "Hey Scully." 

"Yes?" 

And then it didn't go as planned. "So what's Agent Doggett like to work with?" he says at the last minute. Inside, he kicks himself. 

"He's nice, Mulder," Scully said absentmindedly, not looking away from the tv. "He doesn't believe in all the paranormal stuff like you do, but he's willing to investigate to find the truth." 

"So it'll be like working with you again?" Mulder asked. "Being second-guessed at every turn, having my own colleague look at me like I'm crazy?" 

"Mulder-" Scully said, annoyed. 

"I'm kidding, Scully, relax," he said, an easy smile on his face. 

"Why do you ask?" she said, finally turning to look at him. "Have you been officially reinstated?" 

"Not yet, but I think I will be. Just figured I should hear about some of your cases if I'm going to be working with the guy." 

Scully gives him a look of disbelief, but she tells him about some of her adventures anyway. 

After mentally kicking himself for chickening out the first time, Mulder lays out another plan. This one is going to work, he knows it. He comes to visit her at the FBI one day (he has to go through the main entrance) and he offers to take her out to lunch. They finally sit down at a table and he's about to open his mouth and tell her everything he's kept to himself for years.

And then her phone rings. She picks up, "Scully." 

Mulder doesn't hear who is on the other line, he just hears her side of the conversation. "Now?" 

"And you're sure?" 

"Alright, alright, I'll be there." 

When she hangs up, Mulder looks up from the menu he was perusing. "Who was that?" he asked. 

"Skinner, actually," Scully sighed. "He wants me back at work, a body was brought into the lab and they need an autopsy on it ASAP."

"Oh," Mulder said. 

"I'm sorry," Scully said as she collected her things and started to walk out of the diner. "Can we do this another time?" 

"Sure Scully, no problem," Mulder said as he waved her off. Her car had just pulled away when the waitress came by and asked what he wanted. He got a cup of coffee and sat there, cursing the universe.

Mulder hoped to whatever might be out there that the next time he tried to tell Scully how he felt, he'd actually be able to get the words out. 

And thankfully, the universe didn't play any more games with him. This time, they were sitting on Scully's couch, he was watching tv and she was sitting next to him while she flipped through a case file. This time, Mulder didn't have to initiate conversation. "Mulder?" Scully asked. "What's going to happen when the baby is born?" 

"What do you mean? A lot is going to happen." 

"No, I mean with us," she said. "If you're back on the X-Files and I'm here, we probably won't get to spend much time together." 

"I'll still have time after work," he said, turning to her. "I can come by sometimes if you want, and we can just hang out like we used to." 

"What about the baby?" 

"What are you talking about?"

"Mulder, when I asked you about the IVF, we spoke about what would happen if it was successful. I don't know how this happened, or what sequence of events led to it, but I want you to know that my feelings haven't changed." 

"Mine haven't either," he managed to choke out. "I want to be there for this kid Scully. I'll love them, and I love you." 

Scully was shocked at his confession. "Mulder..." she said, trailing off. 

"I've known for years Scully. I just never said anything until now, and the last two times I tried to tell you, the world just got in the way. But my shrink has been telling me that I need to start communicating my feelings more, instead of locking away things I find difficult to deal with. And I will be there for you, in any way you need me." 

She looked like she was about to cry, and Mulder's eyes widened. "Scully, I'm sorry," he backtracking. He got up from the couch and made to leave. "I'll just-" 

"Fox Mulder, you better not go anywhere," she said threateningly. "I'd drag you back here myself but sometimes I need help getting up." 

Mulder's face broke into a smile. Slowly, he lowered himself back down on the couch, this time directly next to Scully. Placing a soft kiss on her forehead, he took her hand. "Don't worry Scully," he practically whispered. "I'm not going anywhere." 

_\- the end -_


End file.
